"It's like a jelly bean, covered in cinnamon, dipped in cocaine and used as a suppository. Cinnamon so it burns and cocaine to fuck you up."
"This is not going to be a normal field trip."
- On reflection: "That had something to do with a school bus going up my vagina, didn't it?"
"Of course I'm drunk officer, it's a Tuesday."
"Just making out isn't enough. We're not in grade school anymore."
"Life is a STD with a 100% mortality rate."
"You make me feel warm inside. Kind of like heartburn."
"Abstinence makes the heart grow fungus. That's how that goes, right?"
"You're the skankiest prude I've ever known."
Frankly this should be required reading for EVRYONE
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