Sunday, December 19, 2010

More Wally Mart

Wal-Mart Cashier: Someone didn't replace the bags when they left this till.
Rita: Kill them.
WMC: Pardon?
Rita: Nevermind!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Journey to Wal-Mart

'Bleeding out of your vagina is only the beginning.'

'I want to eat her skin and become her.'

'I called it a lifestyle choice because I'm a bitch.'

'I'm going to write a book; "How to get rid of him after the love is gone - Ten easy steps that the cops will never catch on to."'

'It's funny cuz her mom thinks she's a lesbian.'

Thursday, November 4, 2010

At a sex toy party...

(holds up a dildo)
Rita: "Wow. I would fuck EVERYTHING."
Host: "You mean everyone?"
Rita: "No."

Reflections from McDonalds

"Old person strip bingo: When you win, everyone else looses."

"It's like a jelly bean, covered in cinnamon, dipped in cocaine and used as a suppository. Cinnamon so it burns and cocaine to fuck you up."

"This is not going to be a normal field trip."
- On reflection: "That had something to do with a school bus going up my vagina, didn't it?"

"Of course I'm drunk officer, it's a Tuesday."

"Just making out isn't enough. We're not in grade school anymore."

"Life is a STD with a 100% mortality rate."

"You make me feel warm inside. Kind of like heartburn."

"Abstinence makes the heart grow fungus. That's how that goes, right?"

"You're the skankiest prude I've ever known."